Flickering

Blocker

Flickering



character: Buffy
time frame: very end of s2 BtVS
word count: 316

from the prompt:
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.
~ Sylvia Plath / Mirror


'He's gone. And I killed him. I just - it won't process. But I had to, didn't I? The world would have disintegrated into Hell if I hadn't. I had to. I had to.

So why does it feel if I've broken in half? And then broken again? And again?

I can see them, all those pieces of myself. They're lying in a mansion in a house in a town I'll never see again. I'll never go back there, I can't go back there. Because he's… not there. Because the pieces that used to be me are there.'

She stretches in her seat and pulls a small silver claddagh ring from her out of her jeans.

It should be on her finger; it should be part of her. But that would be too much to bear; after all, she's the one that murdered him. She can barely stand to look at it, but she can't look away.

'I think it is part of my heart. But it flickers. Sometimes it looks shiny and new and full of hope and then suddenly it changes and turns black and tarnished as I hold it in my hand.'

She closes her eyes and sees his face, filled with love, asking where he's been, telling her - his executioner - that he can't remember. She opens her eyes again, unable to bear the image.

But how can she not? It's the only way she'll ever have him again, the only way she can hold on to the memory of what she had for a tiny second of time.



The End