For The First Time

Blocker

For The First Time



pairing: Spike/Angel
time frame: at the end of "The Girl in Question"
challenge: I see you
word count: 495

Angel watched Spike leave the room and felt a sense of total desperation. How many times had Buffy walked away from him in the past? For that matter, how many times had Spike?

One time too many.

"Spike!" he called out, summoning his wayward childe back to him.

Spike turned but didn't return. Just stood in the lobby, looking back at his sire as if he could read his mind. He could. They had so much history, so much baggage, so much shared past. And Angelus was always predictable.

When Angel didn't speak, Spike's countenance turned uneasy, unsure for the first time in a long time about what he should do, what he should say. Maybe Angel was sure this time. Maybe this time it would last.

Maybe.

But no, he knew what Angel wanted. He wanted the same thing he always wanted.

Someone to comfort him because he was hurting.

Someone.

Not Spike.

Just someone. And Spike was convenient.

Gods below, how he loathed that word. He would never be convenient again. Not for Angel, not for Buffy, not for anyone. He turned and walked toward the elevator.

He was holding out for love this time.

Spike didn't turn around when he felt Angel's hand on his shoulder.

"You just want someone - anyone - to make you feel better about Buffy's desertion. You don't want me, Angel."

The weariness and hurt were evident in his voice. Spike needed someone right now, too; it hurt seeing Buffy so happy with someone who wasn't him. He needed to feel valid again - useful. Loved. But getting involved in a one-night stand with Angel wasn't on the menu.

He'd been Angel's second choice too many times in the past. The one he turned to when Darla or Drusilla didn't give Angelus the attention he thought he deserved, only to be cast aside too many times when the object of his real affection returned to Angelus once more.

"No, Spike, wait. I-"

Spike turned, anger making his eyes shine. "You what? Want a fuck toy? A whipping boy? Want someone to make you feel better because the love of your fucking unlife is happier with someone else? Well she was the love of my life too, Angel, and she doesn't want me anymore either! Never really did. So peddle your pity party somewhere else, all right? I'm not interested. I've given you the love you needed before and you threw it back in my face. I'm through." He turned and pushed the 'down' button on the elevator.

Angel's hand dropped.

When the doors opened, Spike got on and turned around. The look on Angel's face made his arm shoot out to stop the doors from closing.

"What?" The question was hesitant. Hopeful.

Angel looked up with confused eyes and looked at Spike. Really looked at him.

"You're right. You're the one I always turn to when I need a friend. Stay, Spike. Please. Stay and let me see you. For the first time."



The End