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Angel's POV
I can't do it, and they all know it. I can't kill my William - fuck! Not my William, Buffy's Spike, get that into your head, boyo, or you're going to loose it.
Still, I can't kill him and I'm going to have to not only tell them all that tomorrow, but talk someone else out of doing it. What reason will I give them? Hell, Wes probably already knows why. Just how were those Watchers who wrote those fucking diaries so well-informed, anyway? Somebody must have talked; I wonder who? I'll bet it was Mark-David. Darla always said he wasn't trustworthy. She may have been a royal bitch, but she knew when a vamp was lying to her. I spent enough time in shackles - and not in a fun way - to know that. Damn, I'm glad she's dead - again - and yet again.
I hate this fucking apartment, its so cold. The hotel was big, yeah - okay and empty, but it felt warm, it felt like home. This place feels like a morgue. Which is kind of ironic. Dead guy, you'd think I'd feel at home here. Nope, just big and cold and empty.
Well, there are the windows. Floor to ceiling windows that let in lots of non-fatal sunlight. Well, during the day they do. Now it's the lights of the city. Been there, seen that.
I remember when I moved us into the mansion on Crawford Street and Spike just wouldn't let up about the windows - stop! Just stop. No more Spike, get my boy out of my head. The boy, not my boy. Vamp, not boy. He's almost two centuries old, stop calling him a boy. But, compared to me - No! Not going there. But he was such a beautiful human boy, how could I resist him; how could anybody? I was surprised he hadn't been turned earlier - God, get a grip! It's two thousand and three, not eighteen ought six, get over it already!
Shower, I need a shower, nice hot, flesh warming shower. Half the people that work here are vampires or demons, you'd think they'd turn the heat up. Wait, I'm in charge, I'll just order somebody to turn the heat up. I wonder who's in charge of turning up the heat? I'll ask Harmony tomorrow, she'll know.
Great, now I'm relying on the littlest vampire to help me, what's the world coming to? 'The littlest vampire'? Why did I call her that? Never mind, forget it, take a shower, wash the gel out, get some sleep.
That's better. Showered, shampooed, conditioned, shaved, brushed. Stick with routine, it'll never fail you. Keeps the mind from wandering.
Now it's just me and my dreams...
"Well, look at you."
Speaking of dreams... Wait, shit! Spike's here. In. My. Bedroom. Definitely not going to be able to do this and stay sane!
"Aw, no! No, no, no."
"Sitting in luxury's ample lap."
Why does he sound so sad?
"Top of the world."
Well, he lives here, too - now. You think he'd at least appreciate the view. Since when is Will- Spike - morose?
"Looking down on... well, everyone. It's good to be king, innit?"
Yeah, it was – once. When I had William by my side. This is too hard, I can't have him here like this! Better set him straight from the beginning.
"Ground rules. Haunt me all you want during business hours, but this space - off limits."
I can't have William - Spike - here in this room, its too hard, too painful. Yup, definitely getting hard.
"Relax, beefcake. I didn't come for a fight."
Beefcake? He thinks I'm beefcake? Hee, hee. No! Back to the topic, what was the topic? Oh - no fighting.
"Really?"
"Not that I could, right?"
Oh, shit, did he hear us?
"Can't touch, can't affect anything..."
Fuck, he heard. I'll explain –
"Yeah, I overheard your little group powwow about me."
Oh, God. I actually considered - for one second - killing him, did he hear - ?
"How much?"
"Enough of enough."
Great, I've gotta explain that I could never do it, never kill my William - Spike.
"Look, Spike -"
"Necromancer tried to make a deal with me."
What?
"What?"
"Said he could bring me back - body and soul - if I used our… close personal relationship… to double cross you."
Close personal relationship? What - does everybody know I used to love my William with all my undead heart? Fuck, you just can't keep a secret in the afterlife. Wait, did he say bring him back? After everything I've done to him, why wouldn't he?
"Tempting. So, what'd you say?"
"See? Right there, that's the problem. You having to ask me that. I don't play for that side anymore, or haven't you heard? Besides, even if Mr. Death could do what he promised, I trust him about as much as you trust me."
Is that hurt I hear in his voice? Why? Does he want my approval? My trust? And why didn't he say he doesn't trust me? I have to know.
"What do you want from me?"
"I can't live like this, Angel. Being useless. :sigh: Being nothing. I want it to end."
No!
"NO!"
"What? I thought you'd welcome the chance to finally be rid of your old pal Spike. Sounded like you were ready to jump at the chance, expected you to take that amulet right out to some hallowed ground and -"
"No, William, I wouldn't, I couldn't -"
"William? What's wrong with you, Angel? I haven't been William since..."
Why is he looking at me like that? Stop looking at me.
"Slip of the tongue."
"Oh, really?"
Stop grinning at me, William, I can still whoop your ass - or, wait, I can't, no body.
"Still think of me as William, do you? I haven't been called William since - well, Buffy called me William once."
Doesn't look like she called him that in the heat of passion from the look on his face. What did Buffy do to my boy? Not even Angelus could break him.
"Spike?"
"Never mind. I'll get out of your - well, I'll just go then."
"No, wait, William! Are you - do you want to talk about it?"
"A world of no."
"Come on, don't leave like this. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to - it was a slip of the tongue, really. I'd never - I know you're not, not anymore - you could never, it's been too long - and Angelus was so cruel to you in Sunnydale. I don't know why I - he - I don't know why he was like that, you know I've always lov - I mean Angelus, he always - you were his favorite. Always his favorite."
Now I'm sounding like the poncy bugger Spike is always accusing me of being, great! Why is he smiling at me like that? I don't think I like this, what is he getting into his head now?
"Seems I'm more able to affect people than I thought."
"What?"
"Your blanket, mate. It's, ah, rising."
Oh, shit.
"What's the matter Angelus, you miss your William?"
"I - I'm - I'm not Angelus. It's Angel now, don't forget it!"
"Oh, I don't forget anything, Angel. Nothing. Not a bloody thing I've ever done, not a thing we've ever done. Remember?"
I hate that damn eyebrow!
"Ah, so you do remember - at least, from the waist down, you do. Remember that time in Budapest? You - or rather, Angelus - and William, that would be me, under the carriage waiting for the damn peasants to stop rioting? Or how about the time Angelus stole William away in the middle of the day while the queen bitch was asleep and hid them under a blanket until they could catch a ship to Malmo in Sweden? Seems Angelus had heard that the Swedes weren't so prudish about men showing affection toward each other in public and wanted to take his boy somewhere where he could show him off - and grab his arse - and other things - in the public street."
Vampires can't sweat, can they? No, didn't think so. Good.
"William had such a fine time in Sweden that he planned a little celebration for his sire the night before they left, do you remember? Oh, that's right, you're not Angelus, you're Angel. Well, get comfy, mate. Let old Spike tell you a story."
I knew having Will- Spike in my bedroom was going to be a really bad idea.
"Once upon a time -"
"Spike, I don't -"
"Shut up, Angel, I'm earning my keep by telling you a story. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Once upon a time, there was this big mean son of a bitch - literally - vampire named Angelus. He was the meanest, baddest vamp that ever lived, other vamps just fell at his feet to do his bidding."
Maybe this won't be such a bad story...
"Well, it seems Angelus had one weakness. Angelus was head over heels for one of his childer, a right handsome bloke, name of William. William hadn't been much of a human, but Angelus made him into a hell of a vampire. Taught him all kinds of useful things. How much blood you could drain from a human and still leave them alive so you could feed off them again tomorrow; how hard to twist a neck so as to break it, but not have it come off, which would waste good blood; how to kiss his sire in such a way that said sire would go weak in the knees and give William anything he asked for; how to stroke a cock and keep it hard and near-orgasmic for hours; how to lick the underside of his sire's cock, his sire liked it when William would lick him with a tongue warmed from feeding on fresh blood, running his warm tongue slowly up the shaft from balls to head; I've heard that William was especially talented at sucking his sire's cock, taking it – You say something, Angel?"
"Me? No, didn't say a thing. Nothing"
"Right then, back to the story. As I was saying, William loved almost nothing better than having his sire inside him, anywhere inside him, his mouth, his arse, anywhere. Angelus even got off a couple of times running his huge pulsing dick through his childe's hair, which he, Angelus, claimed was softer than an angel's wings. I wonder where he came up with that analogy? Anyway, this one time William prepared a surprise celebration for his sire, to thank him for taking him on holiday.
"William stole the best champagne, a couple of cashmere blankets and his sire's favorite food, caviar. See, William knew a secret that no one else knew, had never even guessed at. The big powerful badass vampire sire had a dirty little secret. This master vampire, who answered to no one - excepting his own sire, the afore–mentioned queen bitch – spent a great deal of his time going down on his childe. That's right, Angelus' favorite pastime was taking William's rather impressive shaft into his mouth and sucking on it for hours at a time. He would lie William back in the grass, or in a carriage, or on Darla's bed, anywhere really, and slowly unbutton William's trousers. See, Angelus was the romantic type, liked to drag things out, always liked to look into William's eyes and watch his childe's growing desire. Angelus' secret was that his greatest pleasure came from pleasuring his childe, not the other way around.
"Do you remember that night in Malmo, Angel? You lay me down on the pile of cashmere and covered my soft cock in caviar. You made me watch you do it and I kept starting to get hard, so you'd stop until I had calmed, you wanted me still flaccid when you took me in your mouth. Do you remember?"
"Oh, God, William, don't stop, don't st - I'm almost -"
"Go on, sire, I can't do it, so do it for me. I want to watch you, I still love to watch you, you're so -"
"Beautiful. My beautiful boy. Keep talking, tell me about Malmo."
"You drank down some champagne right before you wrapped your mouth around me. The bubbles were still bursting on your tongue and the sensation was just incredible. The caviar and the champagne and your mouth and tongue sucking me, stroking me. I got hard right away and you were angry that I might come too quickly so you smacked my arse. It was wonderful! I came in your mouth and you swallowed my cum along with the caviar and champagne and said it was the greatest aphrodisiac ever invented."
"Oh, God, Spike!"
"Mmm, sire, such a pretty cock you have, thick and long - well, it was. Feel better now?"
Mmmmm.
"So anyway, Angelus had his William cocktail, pun intended, and then he wanted to be inside William. He flipped the lad onto his front, ripping off William's trousers as he did, and buried himself to the hilt inside William's soft but unlubricated arsehole. It was exquisite. Over and over Angelus rammed into his childe, filling him and tearing him, but William didn't mind. Relished it, in fact. You see, he knew he was the only one on earth who could make Angelus lose control this way and that gave him a feeling of great contentment and joy and power. Angelus may have been the epitome of a master vampire, but William could bring him to his knees. William, for the first time in his existence, knew love.
"Um, sire, your blanket, it's um, tenting again."
"Just ignore it. Continue with the story, I love the ending."
"I thought you didn't know this story."
"I'm guessing."
"Right. Okay, so Angelus, sated from his journey into William's bum, told his childe that he would give him anything - anything at all - that William wanted. William only wanted one thing and that was to be with his sire forever. Angelus laughed and said that William already had that, nothing would ever tear them apart, not the Master, not Darla, nothing."
"I'm sorry, William."
"So he told William to chose something else, emphasizing that William could have anything. Well, there was one thing that William had always dreamed of doing, but had always been afraid to ask. But this seemed the time, if ever his sire would understand, it was now. So William asked his sire if William could make love to him. Well, Angelus, being the right cruel bastard that he was, thought that making love was what they'd been doing all along. But William asked for his sire to lie still and let William make love to him, and the sire, loving his childe as he did, agreed.
"William ran his hands over the other man's smooth, muscled body, memorizing every contour, every crevice. He seemed to know somehow that this wouldn't last as long as his sire claimed it would. His hands explored the bones of his sire's face, the strong muscles of his shoulders and chest. Touched the planes of his sire's beautiful stomach and the ridges of the corded muscles of his thighs and calves. He ran a finger around each toe of his sire's feet, ran fingertips over his sire's ticklish ankles. His journey wouldn't be complete without worshiping the lines of his sire's strong back and sculpted bum, so William asked his sire to turn over and his sire did as William asked, and William noticed a small moan escape from Angelus' lips as he settled onto his stomach and William's hands came in contact with his sire's soft skin once again. William got comfortable straddling Angelus' thighs and continued to touch, explore and worship all of his sire's fine body. William thought that Angelus was the most perfect being he had ever seen. He often wondered what it was he had done in his worthless life that he was granted such a reward after his death."
Lord, is he going for a record? 'How many times can I get Angel off in one night?'
"William tasted Angelus' skin, letting his lips and tongue and teeth explore, just as his hands had done. Angelus tasted better than blood to William, he thought this was the way it was with all sires and childer, he didn't find out the truth until after Angelus had left him. Childer feel a pull toward their sires, but sires usually taste like ash to their childer. Most childer have an innate desire to become stronger than their masters, to overcome their bond and strike out on their own. William had never felt this, he wanted to be by his sire's side for eternity."
"William, I-"
"Sorry, got off track. So William is making love to his sire, the way he's always dreamed of, when the sire did something completely unexpected. Angelus bit into his own wrist and wrapped his arm behind his back, letting the blood flow down the crevice in his bum. Then he begged, actually begged, for William to take him, to fill him, to make love to him. He begged for William to enter him. Even William knew that this was never done, that childer who tried to fuck their sires were staked, or worse. But he trusted his sire, you see, trusted him above all else. Always has. So William took some of his sire's blood and coated his own length, wanting plenty of lubrication, he loved his sire with a passion so deep that it even overpowered his natural desire to cause pain. He wanted his sire to experience only ecstasy born of happiness and not pain. He didn't know if he was ever going to get this chance again, so he prepared Angelus' tight opening gently, one finger at a time, slowly stretching him, making him ready to receive his childe's, now rather painfully erect, cock. When he felt that Angelus was ready, he slid inside, very slowly, centimeter by centimeter, allowing hi sire time to stretch around him.
"When William was completely inside of his sire, his lover, his life, he heard the most wonderful sound. He heard Angelus tell him that he loved him. That he would always love him, that he wanted to leave Darla, wanted to claim William for his mate and spend the rest of eternity being together as they were now. He wanted William as a lover, an equal partner. He wanted William to never be afraid to make love to him this way. The more Angelus spoke, the more aroused William became until he was moving inside of Angelus with a pounding rhythm, sliding in and out of Angelus and making his sire scream in pleasure.
"When William finally poured his orgasm into Angelus, Angelus held him and told him it was the most amazing thing he had ever experienced. William fell asleep listening to Angelus' vows of love and devotion, feeling Angelus' hands roaming over his body, wanting to touch him and never let him go."
But I did, I let him go. I let Darla drag me to Romania when we returned. When my soul returned, I knew I could never be what my William expected me to be, could never be the sire he deserved. So I left him. Left him alone to deal with Darla and care for Drusilla. I tried to come back, I tracked my William to China, but he was still was Darla, had been too devastated by Angelus' desertion to head out on his own. It was my final betrayal, my leaving him a second time that changed him. He became everything that fucker Angelus had been, cruel and unfeeling, a master vampire in his own right, causing death, mayhem and destruction everywhere he went. Once he started, he didn't stop until everything in his path was dead.
"William -"
Where did he go? When did he leave? I've been sitting here, lost in my own thoughts, feeling sorry for myself and for my William, and never even thanked him for his story. For bringing me such joy. For bringing me off. Six times.
No one is going to kill my William. We have the resources of Wolfram and Hart at our disposal. Something somewhere within these thirty stories of glass and steel should contain the answer to how to make William whole again. And when he is, I'll tell him where Buffy is. My William has been through a lot. He's a champion who saved the world when I, frankly, was afraid to, knowing it would be the end of me. A champion should get his just reward.
In the morning, I'll talk to the gang and get them on it.
Mmm, I haven't slept that well since, well, since I last slept with my William. William - Spike, I have to find him –
"Morning, Peaches."
"Spike! I'm so glad you're here, I have to talk to - have to tell you - have to thank you -"
"I've been thinking too."
"You have?"
"Your necromancer, I think I have a way to beat him."
"You do?"
I've been dreaming about every detail of my relationship with William and he's been thinking about how to destroy Hainsley?
"I was thinking about how much I'd like to be inside you, and I got an idea..."
The End
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